Judge: “Never send me something unless someone less dumb than you has read it first.”

Seems like good advice. Here are some more pearls of wisdom from the entertaining federal judge Richard Kopf:

  1. It would be nice if you gave me a concise and accurate statement of the facts backed up by citations to the record and addressed to the elements of the case. …
  2. I have always appreciated the writing style used in the “Dick and Jane” books. In addition to being vaguely titillating (which is always a plus), even I could understand the prose without having to read a sentence twice. I wish that were true of most of the verbiage you send me.
  3. The best brief disproves the aphorism that “legal writing is to writing as military music is to music.” …
  4. If you send me a brief knowing that you will lose, but you are hoping to “educate” me, you are, in the words of the greatest of all legal minds, Gene Wilder, one “stupid, ignorant son of bitch, dumb bastard.”
  5. Please don’t “bitch-slap” your opponent. It only makes me want to do the same to you, but in super slow motion.

There are 5 more at Hercules and the Umpire.

(h/t Associate’s Mind)


Sam Glover
Sam is the founder of Lawyerist.com, the best place for lawyers to learn how to start, manage, and grow a modern law practice, and home to the community of innovative lawyers building the future of law.


  1. Avatar Attorney John Kennedy says:


  2. Avatar me says:

    Brilliant – sure hope the Judges read it as well.

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