Life is hard enough without a giant, faceless corporation denying your status as a living human being.

Dear Google+,

I am in receipt of your e-mail notifying me that you have rejected my appeal of your initial determination that I am not a real person.

Granted, Ward Council is an unusual name. But so is Learned Hand, and I had no problem creating a Google+ profile for that.

Council was just trying to create a blog on Google’s Blogger platform, which apparently requires a Google+ account. While it does not fix his problem, I humbly suggest WordPress, which is way better than Blogger, anyway, and doesn’t care if your name is Poopy McMurderpants. Although I haven’t tested that.

As for Google+, it seems like Council is out of options. He already seems to have gone through the appeals process, and Google does not seem to have any other procedure for real people with real names that are rejected by Google’s algorithm and its army of malicious namechecking drones. He could try the help forum, but that requires a Google+ account.

And so, somewhere in an Atlanta office building, Ward Council is starting at Google’s elegantly-simple homepage, furiously Googling himself and screaming “I EXIST, DAMMIT!” Google does not answer.