As holiday parties approach, you are probably thinking about what you can bring so you aren’t that terrible person that shows up empty-handed. Wine is almost always a good choice, and, fortunately for lawyers, there are a plethora of law-themed wines (OK, they are mostly crime-themed wines, to be honest) that you could tote along to your next gathering.
19 Crimes wines focuses on criminals that were transported from England to Australia in the late 1700s. Thieves, counterfeiters, and incorrigible rogues were sent abroad to make a new life. Four different red wines—three blends and a cabernet sauvignon—are “defiant” and “bold.” Just like British criminals, apparently?
Law Estate Wines
Law Estate Wines, based out of California, sneaks into this list by virtue of the fact that the proprietors are actually named Don and Susie Law. Their wines are beguiling, intrepid, and audacious, among other things. Hopefully those are also traits of lawyers. Law Estate Wines are also pretty highly-ranked, routinely clocking in at 95+ points in Wine Advocate, so you won’t look like a jerk when you gift this to your host.
Kongsgaard Wines—The Judge
If you are feeling really fancy and fond of your hosts, you could track down a bottle of The Judge from Kongsgaard Wines. It’s a Chardonnay, if that is your thing, and the 2012 vintage scored an impressive 98 points on Wine Advocate. Here’s the problem: it will run you $325, which is probably a little too much to drop on a bottle of wine to give away.
Justice Wine, out of Napa, has a whole series of wines playing upon the “justice” trope. There’s Blind Justice, Frontier Justice, and Poetic Justice. They also make a John Galt wine, if you lean libertarian and cheap, as going Galt will only run you $34, but experiencing the purity of Blind Justice will cost you over 10 times that, at $375.
Wide River Winery
Wide River Winery is based out of Iowa, which is not typically viewed as a hotbed of great wines. They have a blush wine called Blushing Testimony, a sweet tart (??) wine called Double Jeopardy, and First Degree, a semi-sweet raspberry wine. You get the picture. If you want to bring something sugary to your holiday gathering, this is a solid bet. They will only run you around $15, so save these for a gathering where you aren’t really trying to impress your host.
Down by Law
Also on the cheaper end of things, Down by Law was founded by Chris Blanchard, a white rapper that toured with RUN/DMC and DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince back in the day. (As you can see above, dude still rocks an Adidas track suit like nobody’s business.) They make a Chardonnay, a Grenache Blanc, and a Cabernet Sauvignon. You can pick them up for around $20.
If you’re partying in Canada, you can buy wine from Organized Crime. Their origin story centers around a feud between two Mennonite congregations, a feud which came to a head when one of the churches broke into the other and tossed their pipe organ down a hill. (Aren’t Mennonites supposed to be essentially peaceful folks?) They make whites and reds, but you have to live in Ontario to get them to ship to you. Sorry, Americans.
Big House Wines named itself after the nearby Soledad Correctional Facility in Monterey County, California, because nothing says “tasty wine” like prison does. They’re inspired by Prohibition-era bootleggers and manufacture low-priced but delicious boxed wine. (You’re not too good for boxed wine, which is getting better and better, is more convenient, and delightfully cheap.) There are several varietals of red and a Bootlegger White. Bring a box to the largest party you’re attending this year.
The Prisoner Wine Company
With cheery wines like The Prisoner and The Blindfold, the Prisoner Wine Company will make your winter solstice gathering a hit. Or something. The Prisoner is a red that will cost you $47, while The Blindfold is a bit more moderate at $32 per bottle.
Hailing from Washington State, Guardian Cellars was founded by a husband-wife team that also happened to be a cop and a reporter, respectively. There have mid-priced reds like The Alibi ($39) and Chalk Line ($25). You can also get on the waiting list for their “Usual Suspects” wine club, so you can get Felony wine and Misdemeanor wine every year.