Over the Christmas holiday, Jordan and I had a bit of a discussion about our office’s dress code. I’d been fighting him for months, trying to get him to show up every day in a suit and tie.
Fat chance.
At my wit’s end, I decided that my New Year’s Resolution was to let this go, and we discussed a relaxation of the office dress code to “business casual.” Jordan gladly agreed,
Imagine my surprise when, on January 2, 2013, Jordan walks in wearing an untucked polo shirt, pleated khakis, and black sneakers.
“What the hell are you wearing?” I blurted.
“Dude, you said we were business casual! I’m biz cas!”
I shook my head. “I’ve made a huge mistake. Listen, Jordan, has anyone ever explained to you what ‘business casual’ means?”
The blank stare told me all I needed to know.
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“Hey Leo, look at what I bought!” Jordan exclaimed as he walked into my office. He had a box from Amazon in his hands.
I was intrigued — it’s not too often I see him this excited.
“So, what do you have there?” I asked.
“Well, I’ve been listening to what you’ve been saying about clothes and shoes and everything else, so I decided to step up my game.” He ripped open the box and pulled out a brand new shoe valet complete with an array of polish and brushes. “It’s my early Christmas present to myself!”
“Great, so you’re going to start polishing your shoes, like a grown up.”
He paused for a moment and looked down at his scuffed up shoes. “Yeah, about that. I usually just pay the guy down by the courthouse a few bucks to do it for me. So, you’ll have to show me how to do this.”
“Alright, Jordan, here’s how to shine your shoes, simply, in five steps.”
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This week, we drop in again at the law firm with Leo and Jordan. Jordan’s on his way out to door to have lunch with a client.
“Jordan, no tie? Are you kidding me?”
He stood in the doorway to my office looking otherwise great in a freshly-pressed suit and ironed white shirt. But he wasn’t wearing a tie.
“Shut up, it’s fine. Besides, I couldn’t find my lucky tie today.”
“What do you mean, you couldn’t find it?” I asked, rather incredulous that he couldn’t find one of the 5 or 6 ties he owned.
“I couldn’t find it. I swore I left it on the back of my recliner last week, but I couldn’t find it this morning. Maybe my cats got it…”
“Don’t you have, I don’t know, a tie rack? How do you keep your wardrobe organized?”
The blank stare told all.
“Alright, Jordan, when you get back, we’re going to get you organized.”
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I was sitting in the office putting the finishing touches on a complaint when Jordan sashayed in from a settlement conference.
“Hey Loser,” he greeted me. I made the mistake of looking up, and I just had to shake my head.
“Did you really just go to court looking like that?”
“What? I’m been reading all your articles! I’m following all your rules. What did I do wrong today?” He was puzzled.
“It looks like you picked your shirt off the floor this morning.” It was true. His shirt was a wrinkled mess.
“No, I just took it out of the dryer and put it on. What’s the problem?” He sounded a bit displeased.
“Your shirt’s a travesty. Don’t you have an iron?”
“Iron? Heck no. I’m a man. I didn’t take home ec. Besides, I read on the internet that you can just throw your shirts in the dryer to get rid of wrinkles.” I sighed.
“Jordan, you can’t believe everything you read on the internet. You’re a grown up. Time to learn to iron.”
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Some lawyers are very particular about what they wear. I have no problem with that. We’re all particular about something. I’m very particular about music on vinyl. To each his or her own.
But I think it’s worthwhile to point out that while it’s obvious that my love of music on vinyl has nothing to do with lawyering, it might not be obvious (amid all this fun fashion advice) that what you wear has very, very little (if anything) to do with how good a lawyer you are. And if you’re not interested in fashion, that’s just fine. Because your lawyering clothes are nothing but a uniform like any other.
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I had just gotten back from a preliminary injunction hearing and was finishing my follow up notes to the client when Jordan waltzed into my office. A sense of deja vu overcame me.
“Jordan”, I asked, “didn’t you wear that suit yesterday?”
“Of course! I only have three suits, and the other two are at the dry cleaners. So this was my only option.” He seemed confused why I’d even ask such a silly question.
“You have three suits? You should be wearing a suit only once a week. You’re an attorney, have to wear a suit at least 5 days a week to the office, and you have only three suits?”
“Yeah. Why, how many do you have?” he asked, defensively crossing his arms.
“Well, I have 14 in my wardrobe right now. But that’s just my summer rotation. I’ve been too busy here at the office to switch out to fall rotation.”
I might as well have punched him in the gut. “14 suits? I have three suits and some ties my uncle gave me, and you have 14 suits in just your summer rotation? What a schmuck. Small wonder I hate you so much. You have some magic clothing expense account you failed to tell me about?”
“Well, Jordan, I actually have a secret to tell you about how I get my suits…”
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This week, we check in on Leo and Jordan as Jordan sees a tweet from a mutual lawyer friend about a job posting on Craigslist.
“Hey Leo, did you see this Craigslist post that my friend just tweeted about? This attorney has been posting the same ad for years! It must be because you’re the only guy sharp enough to land this job! Jeez, I wonder how he dresses…”
I looked over Jordan’s shoulder and saw the post:
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This week Jordan is on vacation, so Leo gets some peace and quiet in the office, and sets aside time for himself in quiet contemplation of your questions.
You’ve put up with my tyrannical posts for the last 10 weeks now — congratulations for still reading. Hopefully you’ve learned a few things along the way, whether about what shoes to wear, proper colors for professional dress, or how not to overdo it. And a lot of you have been leaving comments and questions to my posts. I appreciate the lively discussion.
Late yesterday, I got a suggestion from Sam Glover that I should do a piece focusing on the candidates’ dress — whether Paul Ryan’s Dad Pants or Obama’s Hart Shaffner Marx suits. I like this idea, but it requires work, and I’m feeling lazy.
So instead I’m going to respond to your comments and questions, and grade your answers accordingly.
Let’s get to it.
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This week, we visit with Leo and his partner Jordan after a particularly good month at the firm.
“Where did you get those?”
“What? These?” Jordan said, pointing down, “oh, well since we had such a good month, I decided to treat myself.”
Jordan reclined in his chair, feet up on his desk. Moments ago, I had walked into his office to ask about a file. But I was transfixed — there, on Jordan’s feet, was a pair of tan, square-toed loafers with a gold-bit and faux-snakeskin details.These were the worst shoes I’d ever seen.
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This week, we drop in again at a typical day in Leo and Jordan’s law office. Since last post, Jordan has taken some of the lessons in the last few posts to heart and has decided to step up his style. Will Leo be impressed?
“Hey Leo, I’m really enjoying your posts on men’s professional dress. I’ve been taking some of your suggestions to heart and have been stepping up my professional clothing game. I even bought a new suit!”
Jordan stood in my doorway decked out in his finest: navy chalk stripe suit, white cutaway collar shirt, bright pink cashmere Attolini tie, gold cufflinks, and alligator-skin shoes. He looked a regular Scott Disick.
It certainly was a change from the old Jordan who normally sported an off-white shirt a size too big in the neck, a hideous printed tie, square-toed Frankenshoes, and a suit I’m pretty sure was made of the same material as my grandmother’s couch.
I put aside my brief for a moment and chortled.
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